These Beasts of Hell

Today was one of those days that defies explanation. It felt like the season finale on some television drama, where everything you knew about the show would change when it came back next season. I did one of those inventories of the people I work with (and did work with), and it really felt like that ... and not in a good or even interesting way. It was actually kind of sad.

Today a friend I rarely talked to spotted me online. He had been reading the blog. Asked me how the manuscript turned out. I haven't heard back yet, so that is unknown. Then he IMed something cryptic. "This is your last year where anything seems normal." I asked him what that meant, but he had disappeared into the realm of cyberspace. It seemed to be a strange thing to say, and coming off the feeling I got from work today, it didn't help.

Tomorrow is New Year's Eve. I never cared about the holiday. One day is as good as the next. I like the amateur drinking night aspect of it, and appreciate holiday death tolls, but as far as a reason to celebrate ... not my thing. I know some people really get into it. They think of it as a time to reflect, though they avoid that the rest of the year. (Too much thinking, dude.) I just ignore them and go about my business. Another day. Any other day.

I hope tomorrow is different. I hope there is some good news on the horizon. I hope that when I connect tomorrow's dots the picture isn't the bleak thing I saw today. I hope that, but the reality threatens to be far different.

Who will survive and what will be left of them?


Deleted said...

i think i mentioned this but new year's eve is the one day i have problems with; not christmas or valentine's day or thanksgiving or easter. all of these other "special" days, i am just glad to have the day off of work. don't know what it is about new year's eve but if i am alone, it's the one day i actually feel "lonely,"--a sentiment otherwise foreign to me. that's why i decided to get out of town. the last few months have really been heinous and hard. i don't expect the coming months to be much different but for tonight, i need to feel connected and either optimistic or comfortably numb.

-Doug Brunell "America's Favorite Son" said...

I read this on the 2nd and see how well you predicted the outcome without even knowing it at the time.

Here's to hoping the next time I see you isn't from behind bars.