Knees Deep in the Blood of Swine
Did some more Christmas shopping for my little girl. Did some of it at our lovely Bayshore Mall, home to a Borders, a pretzel place, a church and creepy public restrooms. Here is a sampling of some things I overheard.
At Borders: The female clerk says to a female customer, "I don't know why we wouldn't have it. We celebrate diversity and stuff." How, pray tell, is diversity celebrated?
In line at the bank: The man behind me says, "I don't know if it's the best movie of the year, but it is the coolest. It should win an award for that." The film in question? 2012. And the award for awesomeness goes to ...
Walking through the mall: Two teen girls who differ only in shirt color are walking toward me. "I don't care," one says to the other. "I'll fucking kill him." I can't imagine what transgression evoked such a response. Perhaps he unfriended her on Facebook or some shit.
At GameStop (always an entertaining venture): "Are these PS2 games for the PS2?" Had I been working, I would have said, "No, just the Wii." Figure that one out, hot shot.
At Kohl's: Clerk looks at my $10 off coupon. She rings in the item, which is $8.00. "Hunh," she says. "This cost you nothing. How did that happen?" I respond, "That is eight bucks. The coupon is for ten dollars off." "Doesn't seem right," she says. "How so?" She doesn't answer.
I also noticed that our Santa looks a lot like Noam Chomsky. It's rather eerie, actually. I want to ask if it's him, but he also looks surly. I don't want to fight Santa in the middle of the mall, but if I do, I will post a picture here.
Back in pain. Relaxing now.