My Wishes for 2010

The end of the year is approaching. New Year's Eve, otherwise known as amateur hour for alcoholics, is a time when bad bands play on television and people want to reminisce and pretend that the next year is going to be different. "I'm going to stop smoking." "I'm going to get healthier." "I'm going to get this STD all cleared up." As a society it makes us feel better to think we will take this one day to change our lives around. With just a new day and a few words we will suddenly be new people on a new mission.

I don't really use the holiday to do much of anything. It's a holiday I find useless, quite honestly, but I do enjoy the end-of-the-year news recaps. I don't take the time to forge a promise I may or may not keep. I don't drink. I don't believe shooting a gun up in the air signifies anything of worth.

But ...

If someone asked me what I'd like to see, this is what I'd say.

Octomom. I'd like her to drop off the face of the Earth. The world has enough people. We don't need some mentally unstable woman vomiting out a few dozen more. If only she had enough breasts to feed these things.

Obama. I really just want to see him do something other than make promises he can't hope to keep, continue with the Bush administration policies and pick winning sports teams. I don't know of any president who has been a bigger disappointment. Just get something done.

Tea Party Patriots. On a related note, I want those idiots who have Medicare yet still protest health care reform to think about that for just fifteen minutes. Don't listen to talk radio. Don't tune into Fox. If you have Medicare, you have government health care. Assholes.

Eagles. Superbowl. Yeah, I think that would be good. I'd like to see Arsenal win a few more matches, too.

The California budget. Over governor, the esteemed Arnold Schwarzenegger, is a bit of a dipshit. His threats have not helped California balance its budget. Our representatives are fruit from the same tree. I say lock them in a room with knives and let them battle it out if they can't do a reasonable, sane budget on time. Social services (otherwise known as "special interests" in government speak) get economically eviscerated while the business continue to enjoy subsidies and tax breaks. We are one of the biggest economies in the world and we can't even fix our fucking roads. Sweet Jesus erect on the cross -- it's not quantum physics. Do your goddamn jobs or one day the public is going to get pissed off and do a public hanging.

Glenn Beck. I'm pretty sure the guy is insane. I'm also very sure his listeners are equally insane. He finds conspiracies in all the wrong places and thinks that everything points to liberals destroying America. Glenn, you are right! There is no escape. The liberals are going to turn us into a country full of homosexual, commie, eco-terrorist, mixed marriage supporting socialists! The only way to stop this is -- suicide. Let's make 2010 the year you set the example for your fans. Even if you don't think it will stop this onslaught of liberalism, it'll send an important political message. You do it. A bunch of your supporters do it. Man, that will show them.

Hollywood. As part of the California economy, you would think I'd Hollywood to do well. I love movies, too, so why do I want it to go under? I'm just sick of it. Burn it to the ground and start all over. Get some real vision in there. No more sequels. No more knowing what the talent is paid. Let's put the art back into the world of cinema and dispose of all those movies starring the Wayans.

Pot. And finally we are here. Drugs need to be decriminalized. I believe this upcoming year will be the first real step in this direction, especially when it comes to pot. You can argue and say that the passing of Prop. 215 was the beginning, but that just opened it up for medicinal purposes, which, while important, still kept the status quo in place. I believe this year will bring the idea of legalized drugs to the forefront of mainstream discussions. They won't be decriminalized, but it will be the start. Of all the things I sarcastically wrote about, this is the one I can see happening.

And that concludes it for now. I'm sure I'll think of others soon, but for now, this will do.

Oh yeah, I really hope Michael Bay passes away in some weird autoerotic asphyxiation deal.