9.9.09

Life Destroying Blues


Lamenting about life today. Told my friend I wasn't happy with the developments the past week or so. Was very unhappy with how they disrupted my life (and I can't imagine how things are going on all the other ends). She asked, "Don't you wish there was a pill you could take to make it all go away?"

I thought that was a strange thing to say because there are all kinds of pills to take to make "it all go away." That seems to be one of the main jobs of pills. Pop one and all your fears gone. Pop another and watch your worries melt away. Social anxiety? Licked. OCD? Not anymore (said five times). Restless Leg Syndrome? Not even sure that's real. Open mouth. Swallow. That's not just the demands on a fun date anymore. That's how you get through the date.

I've been big on embracing reality. I think living a fiction is a bad thing. I think it leads to dysfunction and stress. I'm also a hypocrite, because I'm just as guilty as the next guy, and right now my reality kind of sucks a bit and I want nothing more than to make it disappear.

No, this isn't getting my feelings out there. I promised to stop that, and I meant it. This is nothing more than an expression of disgust against the people who have taken some control over my life in a way I can't fight right now. Frustration is taking its toll, as the song goes.

Part of growing up, of becoming more "mature," is learning when your actions have a negative effect on others. You can take the pill and forget it, and just do whatever the hell you want. Or you can avoid that, do what is right, and suffer a bit.

Grin and bear it, right? Well, yeah. Damn right. What other choice do you have sometimes? None. I just hope that when all the pieces fall into place that life goes back to normal. You know what's even more frustrating than having no control over the things done to you?

Knowing they are right.

4 comments:

Deleted said...

the pill thing is such crap. western medicine labels me a depressive, ocd, socially anxious. they tell me a pill can give me a better quality of life (to do what, i have no fucking idea). the only thing i think it does is keep me on the right side of completely flipping out. but what's in my head is in my head. no pill can take away truth...or a distorted version of truth. or maybe they're just holding out the good stuff on me. bastards.
i hope whatever is disrupting things for you sort themselves out.
that's a great picture.

-Doug Brunell "America's Favorite Son" said...

The picture is from an artist named Coop. His work is great. Got a signed print/limited edition print from him.

Nikki said...

I can't take most of the "fun" pills, they make me vomit profusely. Sucks when I actually need them. Xanax is pretty much it for me as far as prescription "calm me downers" go. Valium has zero effect on me. Weird.

Everyone has control over their own lives, it just doesn't seem like it sometimes. We can say "I have no control over this situation" and that may be true, but we do have a choice to change the situation or try something else. I'm in a situation that I have no control over, and I hate it. But I'm trying very hard to change it. By being proactive and creating options for myself, it alleviates some of the stress. Xanax takes care of the rest. :)

-Doug Brunell "America's Favorite Son" said...

Valium is mommy's little helper. A shotgun is dad's. The kids love sniffing glue in Ziploc bags. Grandma's hooked on diet pills. She read it keeps "Old Timer's Disease" away. The neighbor is making ecstasy in his garage. The hooker down the hall sells reds at a cut rate price. Truckers snort caffeine pills mixed with meth. Grandpa takes Viagra whenever he goes to volunteer at the Teen Dance Off.