Talk about the highs and lows. So much in my head and feeling so disconnected from the world around me because I've decided to isolate myself so I can make decisions without interference. Is that a good or bad thing? Only time will tell that one.
After a good portion of my friends told me I had to be alone (and they were wrong), I take a lot of what they say with a grain of salt. Not all said that, and some had some real justifications for their statements. Regardless, I think I need to be in a self-imposed exile for a bit. If I seem out of it, you know why now.
I'm still losing weight (it was a struggle to keep my pants up). I'm still sick, but not as bad. I still don't sleep a lot, but the sleep I have is much better.
My little girl, who says some remarkable things, told me this last night. "I want you to have a girlfriend so you have more love in your heart." No four-year-old should ever have to say that. It was touching.
Exile. It's a word that has many romantic undertones. It implies a possible eventual return. Add the "self-imposed" and it starts to add a whole new dimension to it. I can sense it. Those close to me can sense it.
The title of this post is a Black Flag song. A lot of my more personal writing has Black Flag/Henry Rollins connections. In times of tough emotional turmoil and decision making, I turn to that. It always helped me get through and get by.
I can't help but think of another Black Flag quote, either. "This is good."