Welcome To Humboldt, Asshole

The new semester at Humboldt State University brings in a gaggle of new hippies. Of course, I have to see these unwashed trust fund kids wandering the streets, cheating death by walking in front of my car, and taking up my time at work.

They come to Humboldt for the reputation and the pot. Arcata is ground central for them with their multi-colored shirts and white boy dreads. It would be funny if they didn't annoy me so much.

They'll come to HSU, do the hippie thing for a few years and then start selling insurance. Such is the way of the Phish fans. Again, funny if it weren't so tragic. Sell out? Well, there's nothing really left to sell out. More like just sad.

So for a few months they'll sit on the plaza and play their drums, pass a joint around and trip on LSD, and then it's back to Kentucky for Christmas (and a shock to the family as they see how far their son has fallen).

So, to all you hippies, welcome! Enjoy our pot. Sleep with our hippie women residents (no self-respecting citizen wants them anyway). Get a job in an organic cafe. Play your wooden instruments around town.

Now leave.


Nikki said...

You and your hippies! LOL.

Deleted said...

i ventured to arcata today for some work bullshit. i generally avoid the place but i had no choice. it was about what you would expect it to be...high plazoids who clearly haven't bathed in a while huddled in little plazoid groups engaging in plazoid philosophizing. lots of skin since the sun made an appearance. oh how i wish i could have tucked that sun into my pocket so they'd put their clothes on. i got to thinking. it must be some life. i salute them. i'd love to sit around all day hanging with people stoned enough to call me a friend. what annoyed me was the fact that at just about every block headed up g street, a clearly well kept person was "dreaming of a cheeseburger" or "stranded" or boasting "smile for sale." i replayed how many places i'd seen that were hiring. my heartless, conservative self thought "get a job."
since i've been here, arcata has never been without it's panhandlers but it is rampant now to the point of being annoying. i'd love to know what the tourists and college parents think of the fair town. i'd be hard pressed to leave my kid there to go to school. what the hell kind of education would he/she come home to?
i stay here because most folks leave me alone, i'm still in california but kind of inconveniently located so i don't get a ton of visitors and frankly, i can think of where to go to next. the increase in the ramblin rose demographic that this place attracts is beginning to bother me though. growing a little tired of tripping over the trustafarians. a lot of them aren't even bothering to go school anymore. they arrive in town with a piece of cardboard and a brand new sharpie to make thier pleading signs for help. then they head straight to the dope man. then to the plaza. they hang there until the dope runs out. then it's back to panhandlin. cycle repeat.
maybe i'm just jealous.

-Doug Brunell "America's Favorite Son" said...

They aren't my hippies. If they were, I'd line them up and shoot them ... once ... in the face.

I'm kidding. I love hippies. They make good speed bumps.

-Doug Brunell "America's Favorite Son" said...

They depend upon people who work to discard their trash and give them their change. The guy in the wheelchair, both legs blown off by a landmine courtesy of the VC gets my change before someone fuckwad in a Che shirt.

Arcata. I'd give Al Qaida money to hit that place. It would be deserved and sweet.

Man, I am in a foul mood tonight.