Hops In Humboldt Fest For The Alcoholic In Us All

As folks shed some tears over Ted Kennedy's corpse being put into the ground ("Thank God he won't kill again!"), Fortuna, California played host to Hops in Humboldt, a celebration of micro brews for people too snobby to enjoy Schlitz, but too poor to afford wine. I find it a tad bit ironic that this took place the day Kennedy was laid to rest.

Some of you may be too young to remember why Ted Kennedy was a big name, but at one time (and this has been glossed over since his death) he was remember as the guy who had a run in with the justice system and got his driver's license suspended and a two-month jail sentence (which was suspended). What did he do? He left the scene of an injury accident. Actually, let's be more precise, he was the intoxicated (though there is some question to that) driver in a car that went over a bridge. There was a woman in the car. She died. Some argued she would not be dead had Kennedy not waited until the morning to report the accident. Maybe he was hungover. Maybe he was tired. Shit, he's a Kennedy. When they aren't out banging actresses, doing cocaine, flying planes and raping, they're catching up on much needed zzzzs.

So while various family members were conveniently forgetting Kennedy's past, Fortuna was hoping (ta da) with people I've dubbed Hopheads. (Has that name been taken?) They were enjoying the weather and the brews. My guess is that if any of them got drunk, drove off a bridge, left their passenger in the car to drown, and then waited quite a few hours to call in the accident they'd have the proverbial fucking book thrown at them. Not our Teddy, though.

These Hopheads probably haven't given too much thought to Kennedy. I know I wouldn't. They were probably enjoying some Great White and hoping one female would get trashed enough to show a breast or two. (That also happens to be the same reason I like going to the mall.) The festival has a good reputation, though, so I dbout that happened. They had their fun, though, just like Kennedy's clan did.

Hops is over. Kennedy is, too. Now young ladies everywhere can feel safe knowing a drunk Ted won't drag them into his car only to drive them straight into the drink as he masturbates to their screams. Now would it hurt you ladies to show a breast or two?

1 comment:

Tina said...

Long, too long America,
Traveling roads all even and peaceful you learn'd from joys and
prosperity only,
But now, ah now, to learn from crises of anguish, advancing,
grappling with direst fate and recoiling not,
And now to conceive and show to the world what your children
en-masse really are,
(For who except myself has yet conceiv'd what your children en-masse
really are?)