Black Friday Secret Savings Deals and Other Pacts With the Devil

Door busters start tomorrow, but I've got my own sales strategy I'd like to share with like-minded souls.

If you're like me, you're sick of Black Friday and the herds that come with it. That doesn't mean you can't have fun with it, though. You, too, can show up at the mall early Friday morning. Not to shop (unless that's what you want to do), but to act your role and inspire others to do the same. You see, while some people will find that Doorbusters are sales, you can take it more literally.

Mobs tend to spring up and act based off the actions of just a few individuals. Now, imagine that you and a few friends took the sales frenzy to a fevered pitch -- breaking down doors (don't trample anyone), trashing displays in order to get sales items (that you soon drop when you see something else), pushing over racks, tearing down cash registers (and causing more frenzy for loose money), getting into shoving matches over any little thing ... the list goes on and on.

Make Black Friday your own Utter Chaos Friday. Tweet about it. Spread it over your blog. Your actions will inspire others. If you are truly into smashing capitalism, this will make but a small dent (those doors are expensive, though), but every little dent counts, plus you can sleep easier. Just make it look like you are a frenzied shopper and all will be forgiven because you are only acting out your role of a mindless consumer.

Now, obviously I don't really recommend this. I would laugh my ass off if it happened. I find these things humorous and inspiring. If the stores take large damages, maybe they'll rethink calling these sales "door busters." (Hey, why not Trample Your Fellow Human Sale?)

It's a day away. Get your sleep. Don your gloves. Get ready to rumble! How's that saying go? You can't complain if you don't riot?


Nikki said...

You know, I've recently come to the conclusion that some people just need to be trampled. And hey, stop encouraging people to cause chaos, I have to work in the mall on BF. I'm not really in the mood to get wounded because you managed to inspire a nationwide riot. If anyone could do it, it would be you. If I do get wounded, you'll just have to listen to me cry about it for hours.

-Doug Brunell "America's Favorite Son" said...

Some people do need to be trampled.

I doubt the 8 people who read this could start a riot even if they got together, but it does raise concern for anyone working in a mall on Black Friday.

I tend to think this Black Friday will be fairly calm all things considered.