22.6.10

War Without End

I had gone back and forth on whether or not to continue this, and in all fairness I heard from a lot of people who wanted me to continue.  I planned on continuing the blog, but turning it into a full-time attack on just about everything ... including myself.  And then I decided to end it.  No more posts.  No more anything.  I was going to start a new one that would be hidden from prying eyes, naming names, spilling guts.

And then that didn't seem good, either. 

But I woke up, and things changed.

I had a wonderful discussion (two actually) last night via e-mail and phone.  I was not in the best of moods, but these people helped out.  This led to a dream about something I had been contemplating for some time, but wasn't sure of how it would pan out.  I'm still not sure, but I don't really care.  In for a penny, in for a pound. 

I woke up from this rather pleasant dream in a load of pain and in a bad mood.  I'm not sure why the bad mood came.  It may have had something to do with the dream and the logistics.  Either way, it was not a good way to start the day. 

Which brings us here.

This will continue.  This will be an outlet of rage.  A forum for these little problems that come along in life that can't be solved with a gun.  It's a good form of therapy, and a lot safer than kicking someone in the teeth (but a lot less fun).  Of course, there are always willing bodies ready to feed off the rage.  A mutual discourse in violence is an interesting way to spend the evening. 

I'm tempted to take a pill a call it a day.  My Mondays through Fridays have been less than hopeful, and while I'm in the same boat as a lot of other people, I have been struggling to keep the mask on.  A little more slips away each day, and that's okay.  I'm liking it.  I am at peace with the idea, though sometimes I am a bit enraged by it. 

A war without end.  A pathetic grasp at keeping a normal life. 

The days are getting shorter.  Like my patience.  The time has come.  The center of the universe, where the Black Sun burns bright, beckons.  Where is the flesh?

3 comments:

Nikki said...

I don't really have a comment on this post, but I wanted to say that I love the new blog picture at the top of the page. It's very pretty and soothing. Not sure if that's what you're going for, knowing you, but I really love it.

Okay, a relevant comment. I'm glad you're going to continue. I think it's a good outlet for you.

drj v2010 said...

I decided to quit...at least for a while. This isn't helpful to me anymore. Doesn't mean you won't get the occasional pathetic, sissified ramblings directly to your inbox. Just not interested in being "out there" anymore.
But you...you still have things to say and have an engaging way of saying them. If this is useful to you, keep saying it here. I will certainly keep lurking. And I'm more than willing to extinguish your critics. Maybe I'll get the death penalty and can choose how I die.

-Doug Brunell "America's Favorite Son" said...

Thank you both. War without end.