Vicious, Evil Parasitic Time Wasters

If I could sue people for wasting my time, I would. I wouldn't sue for money, though. I'd go after their time. I know it can't be done, but that's what I'd do. I hate time wasters, people that by their very nature waste your valuable minutes because they have nothing to do with their own.

Every time I'm standing in line somewhere and some jackass starts talking to me, thus holding up the line, I want to smack him in the teeth. Not a light smack, either. I just want to grab a stapler and smack it hard enough to chip a tooth or two. Not so talkative now, are you?

A few weeks ago I was in line at Taco Bell. That was problem one. Taco Bell. I realize I go there a little too often and eat these burritos filled with some sort of meat that may or may not be thirty percent dog and seventy percent worms. Regardless, I was there, and there was this pick-up truck in front of me within sight of the menu board. When he pulled up to the loudspeaker, the stoner employee asked him what he wanted.

"Can you give me a minute?" Truck Driving Man asked. "I'm not familiar with your menu."

He had a clear view of it for the past five minutes ... and it's Taco Bell! How familiar do you have to be? Then he asked the employee if tacos and burritos were pretty much all they had.

That drooling pus boil should not have been driving. I should've rammed my car into the back of his truck and shouted obscenities.

Neither of those things happened, though. The ass ordered some tacos (I can imagine the stress he felt trying to decide whether it should be a "soft" or "crunchy" taco) and I was able to proceed with my day.

Pollsters who call my house waste my time, too, so I screw with them. Sue me. I think it's fun.

I want all my wasted time back so that I can spend extra moments with my daughter. I want it back with interest. Seeing Blind Date in the theatre? I want it back. Seeing that horrible opening band when I saw Mucky Pup at Obsessions in New Jersey? I want it back.

I want it all back ... or I want their blood.

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