Spring Has Sprung!

Oh, the days are beautiful! Sunshine. Flowers. Birds. Children playing. It's Spring again! My favorite time of the year. It's all about rebirth as green becomes the Earth's color of choice. The air is filled with the scent of orchids and freshly mowed grass. It puts a smile on the face.

When this time of the year comes, and the sky is clear of those bad rain clouds, I like to tend to my garden. Nothing says fun like getting on my knees in my Spring Flings (my name for the jeans I wear when planting) and getting dirt under my nails. This year is no different.

I took my shovel out to the backyard and dug yet another hole, breathing in the heady aroma of fertile soil. When I finished I went inside and took a very cool shower. I had to go out and find someone to help me plant a tree. Every spring I add more nutrients to the soil and plant something. It's not much, but it's what I do to help make my planet a little better for my fellow people.

This year I'm planting a Japanese Maple.

At my local hardware store I spy with my two eyes a few people who look like they could be of use. One guy is a bit too effeminate for my tastes, but he'd do in a pinch. He's in the garden section, so he has that going for him. Then I see a pixie of a woman who looks like she'd be a fun conversation.

She is!

We talk about planting, the longer days, smiles and puppy dogs. She's 28! I tell her she doesn't look a day over 25. She tells me she loves my wit! Nobody ever said that to me before. My wit! It's a amazing what the people are saying to each other these days. I wonder if I'm "cool"?

I ask my new Spring friend, Amy, if she'd like to come over to a dinner of pasta and sauce, and she actually agrees! It looks like plants aren't the only thing going through a rebirth. It seems my love life has taken off like a Fourth of July firework.

I invite her over early so she can help me plant the tree. She agrees! I won't wear my Spring Flings, but I do have some nifty shorts. I hope she can keep her hands off my legs. LOL!!!!!!

I show her to the back yard. I forgot to put my shovel away, for which I apologize.

Amy says she's puzzled. The hole I dug is too big. I tell her I have a hard time judging these things.

"But it's really big," she says.

I hate when they start asking questions and making assumptions. It's all talk, talk, talk. So I pick up the shovel.

That snatch never knew what hit her.

Thump! Right into the hole! Hole in one! She's bleeding from where the shovel split her scalp, but is otherwise breathing.

For a second I consider pouring gas into the hole and setting her on fire. I dismiss that, though. What if she gets out?

Instead, I toss dirt in. I don't have much time before she comes to. I wouldn't bury her alive if I didn't have to, but if she woke up I doubt she'd give me much time to explain.

I get her covered in enough dirt to put the tree in, which I do. I imagine I can hear her. I felt the soil shift. I asked if she wanted to help plant the tree. She's helping now! Those roots will push their way through her skin. Beautiful.

I swore I could hear her screaming under the dirt. Chilling.

It's Spring! Don't let it to to waste! Put on your Spring Flings and plant a tree. You'll be glad you did.


elistia said...

thank you for not disappointing me

-Doug Brunell "America's Favorite Son" said...

I wrote this as a stream of consciousness type thing. Was brutally tired.

Nikki said...

Anything that begins with you declaring how much you love spring is sure to end in murder.

-Doug Brunell "America's Favorite Son" said...

... or somebody tied to a chair while Frank Sinatra plays in the background and I put on a dress.

Ahlala said...

Thanks for thoroughly traumatizing me...
I was digging up a stump in my yard and I just kept waiting for a finger or something to surface...
and so much for that Japanese maple I wanted to plant...