Yeah. So. I had it. I confront the stupidity at work and in my personal life, and I think of how the past six months have been utter torture, and I wonder just what the hell I've been thinking with some of the moves I've made, the shit I've said. (And I haven't come clean with the half of it here.) I've made some great new friends, reconnected with old ones, isolated several. That should all be good, except I realized something tonight.
I don't know who I am anymore.
I've broken most of my emotional attachment to work. Now I just thrive on fury there. I've got a new writing gig coming up. My daughter and I get along swimmingly. I'm not saving any money. I'm not progressing as a human. I'm regressing. (On a related note, this TV problem is driving me nuts in the worst possible way.)
I'm still no closer to answers to questions I'm afraid to ask myself. I still sit in the dark when my girl isn't here.
I'm not a danger to myself or to others ... as long as I'm not pissed off. But I'll tell you what, I see the destruction around me, the stupidity, the rot, and I can't help but smile. I'm a firm believer that destruction is progress, and we're progressing straight to Hell.
Like I said, I don't know myself anymore ... and I'm not sure I want to.