Let Chaos Be Your Calling Card

Some random thoughts to brighten your day.  (I'm in a "mood."  My back hurts.)

I've been thinking of shaving my mustache like Michael Jordan and Hitler's.  Hitler obviously ruined it, and Jordan brought it back.  It's a look that worked for both of them.  Now, I have no basketball skills, and I have nothing against Jewish people, but I'm still slightly afraid people will take it the wrong way. 

People in Humboldt County are really upset about the PG&E SmartMeters that are being installed.  These SmartMeters transmit your energy info through the air via magic to PG&E voodoo houses for billing purposes and, if you are to believe some people, mind reading.  If people are that upset they need to leave dangerous animals around their meters or steal PG&E trucks and dump them in a river somewhere.  Non-violent protest only gets you somewhere in Egypt.  These days, you have to hit people over the head with a hammer to get your point across.  To be clear: They only understand violence or the loss of money.  Protest is quaint like the doillies your grandmother still uses.  It's so Sixties.

Never underestimate the power of a well-placed Out of Order sign.  Especially if something is not broken.

Also never underestimate the power of a good prank.  Not only can they change reality and expose the naked emperor, they're just plain fun.  I've pulled off many, and I've got another big one brewing.  It feels good.  Kind of like when you first discover masturbation ... only it never gets old!

Next time you see one of those people who has a funny, pro-shopping key chain or bumper sticker (like the kind that says something like, "Hold me back!  I'm going shopping!" or "Addicted to Shopping") point it out and happily say, "My God, it's like you're sexually assaulting the mall."  Let that image be associated with their novelty sayings for the rest of their lives.  Always smile when you say it, though.  Everyone loves a smile.

Not everyone loves a clown ... in makeup.

Calling people's sexuality into question in a positive way, especially if you are claiming the opposite of what he/she is (i.e., you're a guy and say this of a fellow male, "He's awesome.  He really likes to hug a lot.  I like it.  It's nice.  You don't get many men expressing their feelings this way anymore."), often times shows your foils for who they really are.  Especially if they are homophobic but are afraid to admit it in these PC times.  Homophobia is ridiculous, like buying coffee by the cup every morning or thinking Taco Bell uses real beef.

The Sex Pistols taught me a lot.  They asked concert goers if they ever felt cheated (who hasn't?), and they claimed to be the poison in the human machine.  Words to live by.

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