Big Pete's in Eureka was filled with cheering football (the American football, not "soccer") fans who were absorbed in multiple screens of pigskin madness. It was enough to make a sane man drink.
Met a friend whom I haven't been able to talk to in a while, and talk we did. Got filled in on her life, her new beau (congrats!), the pain, the misery, and so on. She asked me questions on what kind of shit I've been taking. I answered. It was a nice, long lunch, and I left the pizza place happy that she seemed okay. I can't go into all the stuff, but with all that is going on, "okay" seems like it's one place it would be very hard to be. I admire people who can face the shit head on instead of either blaming the world or withdrawing deeper inside (which I am very guilty of). I admire that bravery. I envy it. In turn, I start to despise myself because of it. Knives are sharp, and I see the fascination...
I got into my car after our discussion. It was warm. Very warm. Eureka is experiencing a heat wave. Supposed to be seventy today. That's suicide weather. The first song I hear in my car? The definition of irony. I kid you not. This is what I heard.
I hate the world that I think hates me
Punch holes in the wall you know that hurts me
Feel dark and cold and alone it burns me
Wish someone would come and touch me
Walking alone in the prison yard
Seeing eyes that seem to see me so hard
Crawling like a snake right back into my room
Feeling like a dead man rolling around in my tomb
There's nothing like finding someone when you're lonely
To make you want to be all alone
There's nothing like finding someone when you're lonely
Makes you feel so...
Walk in to a crowded room I start to freeze
Words fall short mouth turns to wood it's time to leave
Never happy, never sad, iron face
Can't stop looking I keep walking place to place
There's nothing like finding someone when you're lonely
To make you want to be all alone
There's nothing like finding someone when you're lonely
Makes you feel so...
Aww, yeah!
Hearing those sounds that seem to keep me sane
Knifing eyes that point me at my brain
Reaching out my mind it's useless
Reaching out my soul, it's senseless
I feel the mute frustration when I see your eyes
I'm inches away, but in isolation, it hurts to try
Reach out my hand - it turns to stone
I get up, walk out the door, I'm better off alone
Theres nothing like finding someone when you're lonely
To make you want to be all alone
Rollins Band Lonely
Seriously? How does that work? God? Karma? Craziness? Unbelievable. A week of shit, and this. Sometimes you can only shake your head in total frustration.
Last night I hung out with my daughter's vice parent, the tattoo artist/piercer John Lopez (who did my wonderful teeth bracelet), and his daughter (I don't name kids here). John and I are like brothers. We clicked well together the instant we met, and we can go years without talking to each other and have no awkward moments. Last night we talked politics, life, tattoos, and so on. Great stuff. The girls played long and hard, eventually trying to crash together on the floor while the Disney Channel did its best to brainwash us. I love those conversations. I love being engaged. I love "talking shop," and I miss the days I worked with him. We had good times, and good talks.
Past two days has been good talks, and has really gotten me thinking. Time to make sushi, though. Don't want to disrupt the flow of the universe.
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