Those mission posts were done from my cell phone while I was attending a function. I am on a mission, though. Go out to PA. Sell a manuscript. Quit my job. Everything else will fall into place. Honestly, I could quit any day and live out of my car, but it makes seeing my daughter hard. Haven't ruled it out yet, though. Yeah, I'm disliking it that much, and I do feel bad about an e-mail I sent to my supervisor where I kind of laid out what is bugging me.
Instead of concentrating on the hate, I am going to channel that energy into getting out of there. It'll be good for my sanity.
And once I fly out to PA, a plan will be set into motion and live will be good.
"Don't want a gig or a good time" -- Black Flag
Truth be told, I'm all for gigs and a good time, but concentration is key. Being focused laser-like on the ultimate goal. Set myself and family up for life. My biggest wish is that my daughter never have to deal with the fuckwads that I must put up with. I know she'll run into her share, but I hope it's never on this massive scale.
I would love for this blog to earn me some decent income. It's a slow ride there, but the word of it is starting to get out. Promote, promote, promote. That's not something I ever liked (as my publisher will tell you). I believe in letting the work sell itself. Promotion feels too much like, "Buy my snake oil. It will cure what ails ye." I was never comfortable doing that sort of thing and have a hard time trusting those who are. It always feels a little whorish, if you know what I mean.
Focus, like a samurai, on that mission. Blood staining the clothes and the sword cutting through bone. Eyes open while I sleep.
This is what I need to do. This is what I must do.
5 comments:
Uh, um, er- I hope you're not moving to PA for a woman. I can't support that, not one bit. To say that moving to PA for a woman is a big mistake? Major understatement.
I can see wanting out of SSB, out of Humboldt, out of Cali, wanting a better life for you and your daughter, wanting things "right" in your world, etc. But, moving for a woman is just ridiculous.
I could be making a huge assumption here, so feel free to tell me to go fuck myself. I respect you enought to handle being told to go fuck myself. Anarchy! *tee-hee*
My recommendation? Move to a cheaper/smaller apartment (yeah, there's no likelihood that there'll be a yard, but that's what the city zoo/park is for).
You could easily save between $400-600/month by moving to a smaller 2 bedroom apartment (I pay $575/month for my 2 bedroom, the layout of which you're familiar with from when you used to visit Jason).
Doing anything at this point to be reunited with a woman from your past? That's simply setting yourself up for a downfall and major disappointment.
Rebounds never work.
I'm taking complete stabs in the dark here, because we haven't talked at any length except for these random interweb bursts.
I'm listening to this Native singing/drumming group, Red Road Crossing, as I type this. The song currently playing is called "Warrior's Chant" and it's making me want to burn everything. Everything.
PS
Forgot to ask if you've ever heard the song "Pope" by Prince Rogers Nelson? Your blog title reminded me of it, "You can be the President, I'd rather be the Pope..."
George,
First, the post title is from the Prince song.
Second, I'm not moving to PA. Can't do that. I am going to visit a woman out there. Not a rebound thing. It's long and complicated, and I can explain it sometime. I appreciate your input, but I don't know how good your woman advice can be. That probably sounds bad, but you know what I mean. Again, I'm not moving to PA. I'm visiting. I don't know why people think I'm moving.
I have thought about a smaller place, but my girl does not need any more strangeness in her life right now. I will move somewhere else in town eventually, though. Depending on money it may be sooner than later.
Basically, I was trying to get you to not go to PA, period. From what I understand, you are a wanted man, and not in the romantic/sexual sense. Outstanding warrant(s) ring a bell? Johnny Law will get you!
You question my advice on women? You drunk? I'm spot-on when it comes to the opposite sex! *tee-hee*
I only had to stay out of the state for two years (which I didn't do), and the warrant is taken care of.
The scary thing? You may be spot-on about women. Giggles.
I am visiting PA, though. I'll bring you back an Amish lady.
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