The Third Distortion Star

Just finished filling out paperwork on a job I won't get. Tired. My living room light magically shut itself off. Creepy.

Vices.

As I wrote that the light turned itself back on. Even creepier. I have heard weird things here before. It's getting weirder. Normally I'd say it's because I'm tired, but I know that's a lie made to make myself feel better and sound less insane.

Digress. Back to vices.

I was reading an e-mail a friend sent. She told me she thought my vices were sex and violence, perhaps combined in a safe, fun manner. Can't say she's wrong on that one. I feel strongly about both. She also said she thought I should really, really think about a new job where the stress level is different and I don't dread getting up every morning. "You need a place where it's not Hell on Earth."

I told a co-worker that when I come to work every morning I think I feel the same way the Jews did when they got off the train in Hitler's Germany. Maybe that's what she meant about Hell on Earth.

As usual with these tired posts, my mind wanders.

I hate Oprah. I feel she sells these feel-good messages to people who like to think they have some sort of connection to her but are really nothing more than housewives (or wannabe housewives) who will never get beyond the middle class and lack to the culture to survive in any other setting. She bothers me because she pretends it's something different. It's not. It's trash.

The Yankees should beat the Phillies. I'm from PA, but the Phillies suck. The team's fans are drunken halfwits who long for Tug McGraw to pound his chest again and wonder why more people don't have a Mike Schmidt style mustache.

I wish Lorna from AK Press good luck with her problem. I've missed talking to her, and it was nice to hear her voice today.

A noise just sounded in the bathroom. Sounded like someone bumped into the wall. You gotta be kidding me. If I even wrote half the stuff I heard you would either think I was crazy, lying or a combination of both.

I think only one person has ever really understood me when I said I gotta let a little evil out. The fact that that person got it so spot on should be scary. Very scary. Tick tock, right?

Celebrity Watchdog George Anthony Watson drives some folks up a wall. He's never done that to me, though. He hates whitey with good reason (nobody likes an occupying force), but I respect him. Not sure if he respects me, but I think he tolerates me. He and I have had many deep, interesting, honest discussions. I miss those. Don't get to talk to him much anymore because life likes to get in the way.

Just heard another noise that sounded like someone screwing with the toys I have displayed at the end of the hall.

I'm too tired, too stressed to sleep, but I know I should try. I have to go to work tomorrow and most likely start interviewing right away. I'll see who is out, who is late and won't be surprised by any of it. I will think how Italian fascists got music down right, and how capitalism may have run its course and has set the stage for a new paradigm.

One year ago today Obama was elected. Many people think he's a God. Me? He's just another politician. Chomsky's comments on the man were right on. What? You don't read Chomsky? Go fuck yourself.

I have Cannibal Holocaust on DVD. You can watch it with the animal violence (which is real) turned off. I've never done that, but that creature's screams still chill me to the bone.

I finished my latest draft of the cannibal manuscript. Feels good. Feels damn good. Chomp!

According to a new poll, the most popular sexual position is "woman on top." I could crack a joke or two here, say something about how I feel about that one (I'll save that for the other place), or be as disturbing as I feel I can be, but I won't. These hands ...

I believe I'm going to bed. If I think anymore I'll get stuck here all night. Nietzsche was right about many things. The Nazis warped his words, of course. And when it comes to his views on women he was a product of his time, but you can't help but wonder ... what if he was right? What if his views came not out of disrespect, but a healthy, honest respect that led to fear and anger? If you compare many of those views to the rest of his philosophy, you start to see what he is really saying.

Or maybe I'm just way too tired and going off on unrelated tangents.

Let a little evil out? If you don't get it yet ... tick tock.

My daughter just laughed in her sleep. It's a comforting sound. Makes me feel alive, whole. It's the sound that lets me know that even though everything is turning to shit, that is still the best thing in the whole fucking world.

Now I'm really going to bed because there is no better sound to go to sleep to tonight.