Best Phone Center Service Call ... Ever!
I gave my type to the guy and explained the situation.
Phone Service Guy (PSG): What kind of symbol is it?
Me: A small plus sign and the number one.
PSG: I'm afraid I don't understand.
Me: A plus sign ... like a little "t."
PSG: It's a "t" and a one?
Me: No. A plus sign and a one.
PSG: A plus sign?
Me: Like one plus one. A plus sign.
PSG: Are you using the calculator?
Me: (Now I'm pissed.) Am I using the calculator? No. No I am not using the calculator. Does anyone use the calculator on their phone? It's worthless. Are you familiar with a calculator, though?
PSG: Yes, Sir. I am. I am trying to help.
Me: Okay. Picture the calculator in your mind. Say you want to add two and three. That button you would press to add them? That's the plus sign.
PSG: Okay, Sir. That's a plus sign and the number one?
PSG: Is it red?
Me: No. It's white. Would red be bad?
PSG: I just need to know the color.
Me: Okay. Why don't you tell me what the different colors mean for this symbol.
PSG: I am trying to find out what the symbol means. I think it is related to the 3G network. Can you get on the Web?
Me: Should I just try Facebook?
PSG: No! Just Google something?
Me: (At this point I did try Facebook. I had it running in the background, which is weird because I never do that. I exited, and it took care of the plus sign. I was so irritated by this guy, however, that I decided to keep the call going to amuse myself.) Can I Google Facebook?
PSG: Please just Google something.
Me: Not Facebook?
PSG: No, Sir. Not Facebook. Just Google something.
Me: This is a lot of pressure.
PSG: I'm trying to see if you have a 3G signal.
Me: Okay. I'll Google. I always wanted to learn about black magic. Learn about black magic. [I then started to spell L-e-a... I got to "B."] Shoot. I messed up. Want me to try again?
PSG: No, Sir. You were on Google?
PSG: So your phone has a 3G signal.
Me: Oh! On my phone! I was using my computer. I thought you wanted me to maybe look up what the symbol was on my computer. I did that. Nothing came up.
PSG (Now he's getting a bit exasperated with me.): No, Sir. I need to see if you have a 3G signal.
Me: On my phone?
PSG: Yes, Sir. You called about your phone.
Me: Yes. My computer is working.
PSG: Sir, can you Google on your phone?
Me: I've never tried.
PSG: Can you try?
Me: Yes. Can I Google Facebook on there?
PSG: Yes, Sir. Just try to access Google.
Me: What should I look up?
PSG: Do you have Google on your phone, Sir?
Me: Not yet. I want to have a game plan. If I can bring it up, I want to know what to look for so I'm not thinking of something. Your time is valuable.
PSG: I'm helping you, Sir.
Me: Thank you.
PSG: You're welcome. Do you have Google?
Me: On my computer ...
PSG: Do you have it on your phone?
Me: No. Should I look up the symbol?
PSG: Just try to access it on your phone?
Me: Trying to type 'learning about black magic' took too long.
PSG: Okay, Sir. Just get Google.
PSG: You have it?
Me: No. I was just agreeing with what you were saying.
Me: Okay, it's looking for Google.
PSG: Searching for it? Your phone is searching for it?
Me: Well, I'm looking for it on the phone screen.
PSG: Do you know how to Google on your phone?
Me: I assure you I know how to do it.
PSG: Can you do it then so I can see if this is a 3G issue, Sir?
Me: Maybe it's my calculator ...
PSG: We already determined it is not that, Sir.
Me: Right. Right. Google. Got it. It's up.
PSG: On your phone?
Me: On my phone.
PSG: Not your computer?
Me: I have it on there, too. Should I shut that off?
PSG: No. So you have 3G.
Me: I don't have a 3D phone.
PSG: 3G, Sir. It's a-
Me: Oh, God! You know what this is?
PSG: What, Sir?
Me: It's not a plus one symbol. It's a little 't' and a one.
Me: Do you know what that means?
PSG: Is it a 't' or a plus symbol?
Me: A 't.' Positive. Do you know what it means?
PSG: No, Sir. It's not for 3G. I don't-
Me: Well, no worries. A plus one would've been bad. A little 't' and a one is okay dokie by me, artichokey.
PSG: Happy to help, Sir.
And so our dance ended. Well, actually he gave me a website for the phone company and said a survey would be coming my way. I think that guy is going to go home and get thoroughly drunk on Mickey's.