Best Phone Center Service Call ... Ever!

For the entire day, this symbol has appeared on my phone: +1.  I have never seen it before.  I couldn't figure out what it was.  I looked on the web.  Nothing.  I called my service provider.  The first guy I talked to was utterly baffled, so he put me through to someone else.  This is when it got good.

I gave my type to the guy and explained the situation.

Phone Service Guy (PSG): What kind of symbol is it?

Me:  A small plus sign and the number one.

PSG:  I'm afraid I don't understand.

Me:  A plus sign ... like a little "t."

PSG: It's a "t" and a one?

Me:  No.  A plus sign and a one.

PSG:  A plus sign?

Me:  Like one plus one.  A plus sign.

PSG:  Are you using the calculator?

Me:  (Now I'm pissed.)  Am I using the calculator?  No.  No I am not using the calculator.  Does anyone use the calculator on their phone?  It's worthless.  Are you familiar with a calculator, though?

PSG:  Yes, Sir.  I am.  I am trying to help.

Me:  Okay.  Picture the calculator in your mind.  Say you want to add two and three.  That button you would press to add them?  That's the plus sign.

PSG:  Okay, Sir.  That's a plus sign and the number one?

Me:  Yes.

PSG:  Is it red?

Me:  No.  It's white.  Would red be bad?

PSG:  I just need to know the color.

Me:  Okay.  Why don't you tell me what the different colors mean for this symbol.

PSG:  I am trying to find out what the symbol means.  I think it is related to the 3G network.  Can you get on the Web?

Me:  Should I just try Facebook?

PSG:  No!  Just Google something?

Me:  (At this point I did try Facebook.  I had it running in the background, which is weird because I never do that.  I exited, and it took care of the plus sign.  I was so irritated by this guy, however, that I decided to keep the call going to amuse myself.)  Can I Google Facebook?

PSG:  Please just Google something.

Me:  Not Facebook?

PSG:  No, Sir.  Not Facebook.  Just Google something.

Me:  This is a lot of pressure.

PSG:  I'm trying to see if you have a 3G signal.

Me:  Okay.  I'll Google.  I always wanted to learn about black magic.  Learn about black magic.  [I then started to spell L-e-a... I got to "B."]  Shoot.  I messed up.  Want me to try again?

PSG:  No, Sir.  You were on Google?

Me:  Yes.

PSG:  So your phone has a 3G signal.

Me:  Oh!  On my phone!  I was using my computer.  I thought you wanted me to maybe look up what the symbol was on my computer.  I did that.  Nothing came up.

PSG (Now he's getting a bit exasperated with me.):  No,  Sir.  I need to see if you have a 3G signal.

Me:  On my phone?

PSG:  Yes, Sir.  You called about your phone.

Me:  Yes.  My computer is working.

PSG:  Sir, can you Google on your phone?

Me:  I've never tried.

PSG:  Can you try?

Me:  Yes.  Can I Google Facebook on there?

PSG:  Yes, Sir.  Just try to access Google.

Me:  What should I look up?

PSG:  Do you have Google on your phone, Sir?

Me:  Not yet.  I want to have a game plan.  If I can bring it up, I want to know what to look for so I'm not thinking of something.  Your time is valuable.

PSG:  I'm helping you, Sir.

Me:  Thank you.

PSG:  You're welcome.  Do you have Google?

Me:  On my computer ...

PSG:  Do you have it on your phone?

Me:  No.  Should I look up the symbol?

PSG:  Just try to access it on your phone?

Me:  Trying to type 'learning about black magic' took too long.

PSG:  Okay, Sir.  Just get Google.

Me:  Okay.

PSG:  You have it?

Me:  No.  I was just agreeing with what you were saying.


Me:  Okay, it's looking for Google.

PSG:  Searching for it?  Your phone is searching for it?

Me:  Well, I'm looking for it on the phone screen.

PSG:  Do you know how to Google on your phone?

Me:  I assure you I know how to do it.

PSG:  Can you do it then so I can see if this is a 3G issue, Sir?

Me:  Maybe it's my calculator ...

PSG:  We already determined it is not that, Sir.

Me:  Right.  Right.  Google.  Got it.  It's up.

PSG:  On your phone?

Me:  On my phone.

PSG:  Not your computer?

Me:  I have it on there, too.  Should I shut that off?

PSG:  No.  So you have 3G.

Me:  I don't have a 3D phone.

PSG:  3G, Sir. It's a-

Me:  Oh, God!  You know what this is?

PSG:  What, Sir?

Me:  It's not a plus one symbol.  It's a little 't' and a one.


Me:  Do you know what that means?

PSG:  Is it a 't' or a plus symbol?

Me:  A 't.'  Positive.  Do you know what it means?

PSG:  No, Sir.  It's not for 3G.  I don't-

Me:  Well, no worries.  A plus one would've been bad.  A little 't' and a one is okay dokie by me, artichokey.

PSG:  Happy to help, Sir.

And so our dance ended.  Well, actually he gave me a website for the phone company and said a survey would be coming my way.  I think that guy is going to go home and get thoroughly drunk on Mickey's.


Mitch said...

Good god, someone else is into torturing PSGs?

Seriously, funny. Seriously funny.

-Doug Brunell "America's Favorite Son" said...

Thank you!