Keyword Fun Time Super Happy Extended Edition (Humboldt Pony Girls and Shirley Temple Naked)
Let's start with disgraced crazy Congressman Daniel Wu, the man who dressed like a tiger and sent e-mails that supposedly came from his kids. People are interested in this cat, and here's what brought them here: daniel wu tiger; tiger wu; congressman wu tiger (which sounds like someone's real name); "david wu" tiger; +wu + tiger; congressman tiger; congressman wu fucked her (apparently someone wanted to see what kind of gal a human tiger with a drinking problem likes to sink his teeth into); and david wu in tiger (if there is a David Wu out there I feel kind of bad for him). I wrote one post on this guy, and he's still bringing me readers. Thanks, Crazy Congressman. Send me an e-mail sometime (from you, not your kids). Maybe we can do an interview.
Random searches. These are just the ones that aren't creepy and aren't sex related that keep popping up. They are usually so random and exact that I can't really figure out why anyone type that into a search engine. Taco Bell now hiring Juan (did Taco Bell have some huge "Juan" hiring drive?); japanese war mouth satan open mouth tattoo (that is a mouthful of Satan); "I love nightmares"; Adam Levine bulge (looks like my mom is on the computer again); child spanking art (yes, she is back on); dolphin mall live anchor
(I cannot imagine what this is); fight the power shirley temple (Shirley Temple comes up in a ton of searches that results in hits on my site; again -- one post does the trick); make your teeth show when your mouth is open (I must admit that Internet has really proved helpful for people who don't understand just how their bodies work); nih male researchers in drag; pg&e gate combination lock; planet terror shooting; police use scare tactics on drug dealers; sick step vans for sale; and finally woman with open mouth makeup. Troubling.
When it comes to sex searches, pony girls have a whole separate group of their own for searches (like Shirely Temple). The pony sex store (located on 101 just north of the carousel!); teen ponygirl stories (I think I may write some for my Kindle publishing venture; probably a bigger seller than the starvation fetish story); spanking ponygirl (bad pony!); sex shop pony (aisle five right next to the Shirley Temple dolls); ponygirl starter kit (I am in the wrong fucking business); ponygirl puppy (you are mixing your fetishes); pony girls working; pleasure pony (this may have nothing to do with pony girls, but I'm including it with the thought that it is); humboldt ponygirl (some people come for the redwoods, some the pot, others for the pony girl -- and, yes, there is one I know of); human pony girl carry man; free sex human pony girl (can you get her with blue money?); filmy human ponies (I like my human ponies not covered in film); where can I girl human pony (you can learn that in the classroom next to the English as a Second Language room); and pony girl walking (Really? This is what you want to see?). There are a ton more searches for pony girl sex shops and human pony girls (instead of the alien ones). Kind of depressing when you think about it.
Pure sex searches have their fans, too. After all the pony girl stuff it's enough to make me feel normal. Blood come girl lips in love (I actually like the way the words play off each other); masturbating under a bridge; artwork naked woman fucked by horse; girl masturbating under the bridge (his first search brought up the wrong results); human chick sex; humboldt county girls getting fucked (Have you seen a lot of the Humboldt County girls? A quick trip to Southern Humboldt will cure any desire to see this sort of thing.); masturbate during labor (I bet this is the first thing ladies are thinking about during labor. "You know, this would be a great time to rub myself."); Mickey Mouse naked; realty amateur porn (the real estate market is very known for this); and video porno teen ager al sex shop (oh, the spelling). Thank you, perverts.
Nazis and National Socialists have gotten a lot of search hits on my blog, too. Whats the meaning of swasticas weird (yeah, "swasticas" are weird); swastika 8 bit; nazi symbols and naked girls (I think this was me accidentally hitting up my own site); nazi slut (again, me); nazi girl art; nazi children torture sex (all the disturbing words rolled into one smooth search); naked nazi girl (back to me); national socialist pedophilia; and finally, child star nazi (that fucking Dakota Fanning comes up everywhere).
Last, but not least, are the searches that kind of give me the creeps. Yeah, some of the sex and Nazi ones are creepy in their own right, but people are weird, so I get it. These searches, though, just kind of send a chill down the spine. Martyrs Doug Brunell (I've written about this film a lot, but if you've seen it the last thing you want is your name being associated in a search for it); bloom county strung folks like me up by their intestines (Wow. Just wow.); creepy magic mountain clowns (fairly redundant search); I saw my boss dead body (This did happen to me, but why would someone else be searching for this?); lesser devil girl's high school (awesome title for a movie -- if it isn't one already); telephone "choking"; and the last one, the coup de grace: the strange case of dad's missing head.
The Internet is full of wonderfully strange shut-ins with far too much time on their hands.
Mandatory FTC Disclaimer: Clicking on a link may earn me a commission.