All Tomorrow's Parties

I guess it's come to a head. Those close to me know I've been stressed. Many of you have not been happy with me for various reasons, and I apologize. I know I don't come across as very caring lately, and kind of not there, but I'm trying to sort through this mess and come out a better person.

My Mirror is going into isolation. It's a move I totally agree with. Isolation is good. Isolation breeds thinking. Isolation produces introspection. Some people will say it is unhealthy. I say it is sometimes necessary. I'm not saying I'm going into total social isolation. Not at all. But mentally I think I will withdraw more ... at least until I figure out how to deal with the stress in my life. The doctor is a good step. Fixing my sleep habits is another. Eating healthier, too.

Stress is a killer. So is not being true to one's self. I'm not sure which is worse at this point. I figure I'll be able to see more clearly once the fog is lifted.

So, to all of you affected by my many splendid moods -- I apologize. I haven't been easy to deal with, and I know it. Now I'll just be quieter.

To the news.

In El Cerrito a 14-year-old boy raped a 12-year-old girl at school. Two boys saw it. One got help. The other tried to pull them apart. The boy is due in court today. I hope some parent puts a bullet in his head. I'm sick of this shit.

Here is another thought. There was a group of women in Canada who went after rapists and attacked them. Why don't you ladies do the same here? Really send a message home? You are a rapist, we'll come to your house and take your penis. Snip, snip. In the sack. Never see it again. You would have a lot of sympathy. Wear masks so you don't get caught. It's obvious the usual ways of dealing with this situation aren't working, so I firmly agree with vigilante justice.

I've never raped anyone or even felt the urge to. I know it may not seem like it, but I have a lot of respect for women ... more than I do for men. Men are weak (I know, I'm one of them). Men are driven by the most base of emotions. Women have their problems, too, but one of them isn't really sexual assault (though it does happen).

Onward ...

Humboldt's in the grip of a slight storm front. Lots of wind. Rain. Cold. Nice. I saw a woman on the streets last night. She was on crutches. I figured that she would at some point be a victim if she didn't get home or to shelter. Her face said victimhood was something she was very familiar with. She looked like she would like nothing more than to blend into the shadows and never be seen. I felt bad. I wanted to offer a ride to wherever she was going, but I knew she would be suspect, and I'm not one to give rides to strangers. I just hope I don't hear about her on the news. If she was homeless, I expect I won't. Homeless women around here do not have it easy, and you never hear about it on the news. I get to hear about it. It's not pleasant. Not even close. Imagine if you had to sleep with one eye open every night. What do you think that would do to you in time? Make you a bit skittish, wouldn't it?

Always feel better after writing. Getting words out, even if they don't directly apply to me, do wonders for my psyche. I talk to my girl in five minutes. I get to see her tonight. Always good.

I'm reading one of the three books I got for my birthday. I read them in the order I received them because I'm weird like that. Total head fuck. Makes the skin crawl. I like it, but boy is it unpleasant. Best to embrace the discomfort than to pretend it doesn't exist. Don't know if that is better, but it works for me.

I've been avoiding my other blogs, but maybe tonight I'll write more once I'm off the phone. Update the comic book one. I always have something to say on comics, books or movies. Some people think I talk a bit too much about these things, give them an air of importance where there isn't any. I disagree. Everything is worth commenting on. Everything but the boring ... though that merits at least a line of disdain.

Obama is on the television. What a disappointing president. How he differs from Bush is beyond me. Yeah, he's smarter, more intellectual, but his actions are about the same. The people he put in charge of cleaning up the financial mess are the ones who created it. Do you ever feel cheated?

And so it goes.

The Philippines has a volcano set to explode. Gotta love when nature puts us in our place. Nothing makes you feel smaller than a burst of lava chasing your ass.

Work is coming soon. My synopsis is taking shape. I need to meditate on things. Blah. Blah. Blah. Wasn't it Black Flag that sang, "I want out/Right now"? I think so. It's a great line. Sums up things pretty well.

The rain may end tomorrow. That saddens me. I like the cleansing power of rain. The filth that is washed away. I like listening to it at night. I like knowing nature is doing something around me. Save the sun for the soma addicts. I'll take the clouds, thunder and rain over that any day.

More later, I suppose. There is always more later. Maybe I can get this blog back on track. People are mixed on the more personal writing, and that's okay. I've taken some flack for it, but it is nothing I can't handle.

Christmas in over a week. Hope you are clocking your friends and lovers. It's the "wave that is sweeping the nation." My favorite quote from the commercial? "My own arms are telling the time? How do they do that?" If we are to take this at face value (and it is poorly acted, so it is scripted), we have to wonder what that woman would think of something like quantum physics or microwave popcorn. "My magic box is making popcorn in a bag! How does it do that?"

I hate when businesses use stupidity to sell their goods. Turns me off to them totally. Later days, kiddies.