A Little South Of Crazy

The past few weeks has taught me something very interesting about the women I know. Far too many of them have a lot of fucking crazy in their lives ... and all of it leads to the men in their lives. This past week it has really hit a pinnacle as police on both coasts were busy with taking care of men who can't seem to take care of themselves. How did things get here?

I'll admit that at times I have been the crazy ex-boyfriend ... back in high school ... back before I could legally drink. I grew up, though. Decided to be a man. Decided to have some pride, take some responsibility and do what men do best and keep my mouth shut tight and muddle through the nonsense without killing anyone who didn't deserve it. I didn't turn into a stalker, a diva, a little boy, a psychopath, a liar and so on. My friends, many of whom think I'm creepy for whatever reason, also know I'm not like that. There is something else that nags at me, though. I don't think these guys suddenly changed, and that makes me wonder: What did these women ever see in these guys?

Now, men, if you are one of these guys or have been, let me say I understand. I understand how a woman can get you all wrapped up in a bundle of rage so badly that you don't know what to do, so you do what men do best. You get violent. Either toward yourself or others. I get that. We've all been there. The difference is that some of us don't act on it. Some do.

Now, ladies, what happened? Did you overlook all this shit? Did you miss it when you went a' courtin'? Were all the right words said in such a way that you forgot what your instincts were telling you? Did you think you could change him? Did you try? I don't know every one of the situations in their lives, but I do know this, all of the situations took a turn for the worse once the woman opened her eyes.

Men are fragile creatures, girls. Fragile mentally. We've got physical strength over you and that's it. We also devote a lot of mental space to you fine creatures. When you turn us away, we get more than a little jacked up. We lose all sense of self-worth. Often times we wonder what set you off, as our behavior hasn't changed. You just seemed to get tired of it. If you don't have the hours of introspection under your belt, this blow to the psyche can be a little trying.

But it shouldn't be this way. For the past few weeks I've been having an alarming number of my female friends tell me about the problems they are having with boyfriends, husbands and ex-husbands. (And some of this shit is spilling over into my life, which I thoroughly don't appreciate.) Some of these men are free. Some are in jail. Some are in prison. Some will no doubt be there soon if they don't shape up.

Humboldt County, for better or for worse, has a strong female population. Much of our male population, though, seems weak. Fathers who don't want to take care of their kids. Boyfriends who like to use their girl's back as a place to leave a boot print. Men who like to sucker their ladies out of their money and then split. This, of course, is not native to this area, but I see it a lot. Almost every day. It gets tiring. It makes me ashamed to be a male.

Guys, you may have displayed this behavior the entire time of the relationship. You may have made no bones about it. That still doesn't give you the right to act the fool when it comes to dealing with the woman you love or loved. It doesn't give you the right to demand that everyone drop what they are doing to deal with your sorry ass. We understand you are hurt, jilted, depressed, angry, scared. We understand, but this isn't the way to cope. I disagree with the whole "hands aren't for hurting" campaign. Hurting is one of the function of hands, but you got a brain, too, and you got to use it. Other women don't find this behavior attractive, and women do talk, my friends. Word gets around. Eventually, all you attract is crazy, and then your life really goes out of control.

I never doubted that O.J. did it. Never. Not for a single second. I don't think he hired anyone. I don't think it was a drug cartel. It was him. Jealous. Angry. Hurt. Seething with the kind of rage that only a woman can inspire in you. He went to his ex-wife's house, saw that guy coming out and just lost it. In his mind he pictured her doing things to him that she used to with him. He snapped. Just snapped. And before he knew it, it was over. Done. Two lives were snuffed out and the psychic disconnect began.

Yeah, women have made me mad. Seething, even. Have I ever said things I regretted? Yes. Done things I've felt bad about? Of course. Love does stupid shit to people all the time. Women are guilty of the same. What I learned, though, is that you don't act out on those feelings ... not if you want to stay free, alive and see your kids. You don't act the psycho while trying to get your woman to acknowledge you. You sit down. Assess those feelings. Look at what you did. Look at what she did. And then you move on and never make those mistakes again.

And ladies, that goes for you, too. If you see the writing on the wall, take ten minutes and fucking read it. It sounds harsh, but it may save you a lot of grief in the future.

It could also save your kids the trauma of identifying a body ... your's or his.