Officially Destroyed

Those two words set off a very friendly, if overly concerned visit from a friend. I think she believed I was going to hang myself or something. She watched me eat and then commented that I could tell her to go when I thought I was going to be sick. I did get sick, but not until like a half hour after she left.

That, oddly enough, wasn't the strangest thing to happen today. No. Today was a good day. A day of strange things, revelations, and the hint of something that may have changed everything.

My soon-to-be-ex-wife and I are on good terms. For whatever reason she is having a rough time. I offered her some solutions, which may or may not have been good, but I think it was the right thing to do. Just knowing she has options would probably help her. I don't hate her despite the pain I feel. I just hate not seeing my daughter.

Later that night I talked to my friend back East. Nikki. My open letter to her caused some people to become upset. Some found it disrespectful (to The Girl, of all people, which makes no damn sense) and I guess to either Nikki herself or Jackie. It was not meant to be disrespectful. It was meant to let her know how I feel and for my daughter to read it sometime in the future.

My talks with Nikki have always been great. We are going through much of the same shit. Tonight was no different, yet it was. I won't go into detail, as our conversation was pretty personal, but I haven't felt this good about life in months. I learned that friends will drop everything to get over here if they think I might be dead, that I have a heart, and that some people from my past are even more incredible than I ever imagined.

For the first time in a long time, I saw a silver lining. I still can't sleep (I should be in bed now, but I talked to Nikki until she about fell asleep so her mind wouldn't be racing, and now my mind is), but I don't mind. I'm happy. Things were said tonight that needed to be said. Friends came through in ways they may not understand.

There is a change coming. I can feel it. I just hope it's as good as I think it may be.