Hammer Time

If I wrote everything I felt, I would have a lot of explaining to do. Instead, I carefully choose my words. I try to stick to politics and social issues, but since real life is so firmly tied to those things, it all becomes political and social.

I've been in this weird mental space the past few days. Started with an e-mail. These words on the screen made me question a few things I was already questioning anyway. Ran these things by some people I trust (as I had been anyway). I don't think that's a bad thing, but it was a confusing thing. Heard a lot of truth. Heard a lot that made me unhappy. Heard a lot that made me think.

How unpleasant.

"Where do you see me in ten years?" I asked.

"Lonely."

That struck me. It wasn't exactly unexpected, though. It seemed to make sense. That word was followed by a lot of rational thinking. Thinking that startled me by how accurate it was.

I suppose if I wasn't so damn tired and in physical pain right now, I would make some observation and all would be well. I don't have it in me right now. I'm drained. Everything feels odd. Nothing feels quite right. It's not the best time to be making observations.

By now I should be asleep. I'm tired. I didn't get much sleep last night. Don't expect to get much tonight. Instead, I write because if I edit the manuscript I'm afraid I'll screw that up. I have the news on in the background. (Economy update coming up!) My back has a twitch in it that feels kind of new. It definitely doesn't feel good.

A commercial for Dr. Phil's show comes on. Dr. Phil. Now there's a guy I could hit with a hammer and feel damn good about it. Not once. Not twice. Three sharp blows right in the mouth. He's a smug cock of a man who tries to hold people accountable not for their own well being but for ratings. If he had an ounce of integrity he wouldn't do this in a public forum. He would do it behind closed doors (where that hammer could come out if he acted like he does on his show). I'm all for people being responsible. I am not into the idea of humilating them so you can raise the price of your ad space. He's a sideshow and far too many people are paying for admission.

I think of how Dr. Phil would deal with me. "You've got choices, boy! Make them! Stop dickering around and really think about how you deal with other people."

"Well, doc," I'd say. "I don't make emotional choices anymore. That doesn't work well for me. Instead, I kind of go the rational route. When you do that, you'd think things would be black and white, but there's a problem."

"And what would that be, boy?"

"People. People are far from black and white. They are these fucked up creatures -- can I say 'fucked up' on NBC? -- who have little agendas, who can't handle their own affairs, who lie to themselves every day. They make it so you can't deal in black and white because those colors don't exist there."

"Don't you lie to yourself every day, boy?"

"I do, doc. But I know I'm doing it, and I know why. I'm trying to keep my head about me, but I'll tell you what. You impress me. You try to get right to the heart of the matter."

"Why thank you."

And then I bring the hammer out. "Let's get to the heart. Let's get to the truth."

Whack. Whack. Whack. Audience is freaking. A woman passes out. Phil's got a few teeth in his hand. He's looking at his palm as if he can't believe this is really happening. "What the hell?" he asks. It sounds like "Whush da hellsh?"

"That's my truth. A hammer to the teeth. Ain't nothin' truer these days."

Who am I kidding, though? Dr. Phil is an adorable teddy bear. He's the kind of guy you cuddle up with and share a lollipop. He's rock solid.

Hey, thanks to everyone for the birthday videos, well-wishes, gifts and whatnot. Very kind of everyone, and don't think I don't appreciate it. I know I've been distant lately. I've had a lot on my mind. It's the holidays or something. Either way, I thank you. I know I don't always show it, but those of you who are my friends know I mean it.

Off to bed. I won't sleep. But I will think. Lord, will I think. My mind will race. I want this manuscript published.

Bernanke is on television getting grilled as to why he didn't do more. He should have. Could have. Frankly, our representatives shouldn't be asking him questions and telling him he needs to go back to Princeton. They need to do a pay-per-view special where one lucky lottery winner gets to eviscerate him and hang him by his own intestines.

That I would pay to watch. Hey, some people like wrestling. Some like romantic comedies. I like televised executions of public figures who fell asleep at the wheel ... or in Bernanke's case -- looked the other way.

The only thing this guy should be in charge of is picking up his teeth.

Hammer time.

Immolation State Style

I follow business news. I'm interested in the budget because my job depends on California pulling itself together and figure out how to keep the ship sailing. As the saying goes, when California sneezes, the rest of the country catches a cold. California's current budget was never a cure. It wasn't even a fix. It was a layaway plan, and the bill for that is due next year.

By conservative measures, California is looking at a $22 billion deficit. Part of this is left over from the past budget. Part of it is all new misery. All of it points to a potential disaster that will have a huge ripple effect on the rest of the country.

There are some obvious, though ugly solutions to the problem. One of those is, of course, the decriminalization and taxation of pot. One of the less ugly ones, and one that will be fun, is getting rid of our governor. His thick-headed way of dealing with California's financial woes (which ultimately come down to putting the burden on the poor as it usually does) has taken a once thriving contributor to the nation's financial well being and has turned it into a joke.

In interest of full disclosure, my job depends upon the California budget. I want to see it fixed not only for my own job safety (layoffs and privatization are just two of the solutions I am looking at), but for the good of the country. This isn't Rhode Island going bankrupt. It's California. If memory serves right, we used to be the fifth largest economy in the world. Now? We don't even rate.

2009 was stressful. 2010 is looking to in full panic attack mode. The politicians, at least some of the ones I've seen interviewed, acknowledge this. They are scared because elections are times where their inaction comes out. They also realize that acting sooner rather than later is prudent. Most likely, though, they won't act until it is far too late. Problem is, it already is too late.

Black Friday is approaching. The talking heads on the business news networks are saying they are optimistic about consumer spending. They say this in order to keep consumer confidence from tanking. California, like every other state, stands to benefit in tax dollars if Black Friday is a "success." That optimism is unwarranted, though, as there is nothing in the numbers that says this will a busy shopping season. With unemployment rising, nobody wants to spend money ... and who can blame them?

California's not sneezing. It's got the full-on flu, and if you think your state is safe, you haven't been paying attention.

Your New Job

I go from watching a movie to news on the economy. Things are looking brighter, the pundits are sure to repeat over and over. People we should have no confidence in are saying we should have confidence in the economy. Anyone actually dealing and living in the actual world knows things are somewhat different and no amount of cash for clunkers will change that.

Jobs that pay a livable wage are about as rare as an honest politician. Jobs that pay minimum wage see competition between teenagers (who can be easily molded) and fathers with a family to feed. More and more people are on the streets with their handmade signs begging for your hard earned dollars.

Confidence is sorely lacking.

Ideally, I'd support myself with my writing (working on it). It's harder, but I believe that working for yourself is the only kind of work you can really have pride in. I believe that if you don't produce, you're a consumer. My job is not something that is tied strictly to me. Someone can replace me instantly. My writing, however, can only be done by me, and this is the job I want to do. Too many people have no discernible skills. They can't flip burgers because they can't show up on time. They can't work security because of that felony. They can't be around disabled adults because they lack patience. There's never been jobs for them simply because they can't handle them. It's different now, though.

Now there are hardly any jobs for anyone. Yes, I see Kohl's is hiring locally. Those jobs will be filled quickly. There just aren't enough for the people who want them, which means that wages will eventually drop, benefits will go away, and people will be working at jobs they are thoroughly overqualified for. eBay only goes so far, so Burger King here they come.

Confidence is not the problem. Greed is. Greed has always been a huge problem, but you can pinpoint our current economic disaster to unleashed greed. Yes, that is simplistic, but break it down and that is what it comes down to. Greed. Unbridled. Ugly. Greed.

Greed is not, for lack of a better word, good. It is a monster that ends up engulfing everything and shitting out destruction. We are seeing it now. We saw it before. We will see it again because greed is our nature. We lack the common sense to have it any other way.

The pundits can keep saying it's changing. It will one day change. But we won't remember what got us there in the first place, and it will happen all over again.

Let's hear it for greed! Remember that while you are on the phone trying to get through to unemployment what got you here in the first place. And remember what you have done to contribute to it.

Respect?

Today I was told I was disrespectful to the president. Not only was I disrespectful, but so was the journalist who tossed his shoes at him. The person who told me this wasn't too suprised I was being "a pill," but she was upset that "some foreign guy" would do such a thing.

Granted, the president declared war on the "foreign" guy's country, but that shouldn't matter. Even victims of invaders should show some respect. All the president did was send in troops who shoot first, ask questions later. He didn't throw his damn shoes at anyone. The nerve!

I always thought presidents were fair targets, no pun intended. They need to be questioned, mocked and every once in a while get a shoe in the face. When a president, such as Bush, is in charge of a country that has gone so deep into the shitter and has totally lost the respect of the world, you would think he would be thankful it was just a shoe or two. Let's not mince words, either. The economy and the country's credibility is actually small potatoes compared to Bush's other transgressions. He's a war criminal. At the very least, prison should be in his future ... along with several of his cabinet members. But that will never happen. If shoes are disrespectful, prison is off the fucking radar.

The United States government has a long history of playing the hypocrite, bully, and might is right card. If the US or one of its client states does it, it's legal and morally sound. If a country the US doesn't happen to agree with does the same action, it's a crime. This, of course, never even makes it into polite discussion. This, of course, is never even mentioned by those who think I'm disrespectful.

Bush is not the only bad president we've ever had. Carter, Reagan, Bush I, Clinton, and many of the presidents (if not all) before them have done some truly horrible things. I can't think of a single president who doesn't have some blood on his hands. And the past few of them have also qualified as war criminals.

So, yes, Virginia, I am disrespectful. So are a bunch of other people ... and they should be. Sometimes, when you're morally outraged, you have to do act. You have to make a stand. If throwing shoes at a president who lied to the world in order to wage an illegal war on a country that had already been crippled by sanctions is your solution to the problem, then I say toss away. If throwing shoes is your response to a president who has only been reactive to nearly every single major problem that has hit his own country (even when he had plenty of warning on the issues such as the economy and Hurrican Katrina), then start practicing your aim.

Be disrespectful America, and don't let Obama off any easier.