Girl Talk

I've been listening to a lot of Prince lately. Another throwback to my younger days. I don't think Prince has done worth listening to since the late '80s, but I do his earlier work quite a bit. Let's face it, the man can play a mean guitar. My daughter, however, has other ideas about the man.

My girl is fascinated with the music I listen to. While her personal tastes run more to Hannah Montana, she also enjoys Peeping Tom and the Misfits. When it comes to Prince, though, she is puzzled.

"How can a boy sing like a girl? Why does he sing like a girl?"

I had no good answer for that. She's right. He does sing in falsetto sometimes. It's his style. It works for his songs. Of course, she thinks differently.

Of all the music I've played her, that's the one she questions. I don't even know how to go into this with her, so for now I let it go. Yes, he's a boy who sings like a girl. But he's also a musical genius who has lost his way.

That's the one that has me baffled.

25 Facts

Inspired by my dear friend's blog, which was in turn inspired by someone else's blog, which was in turn inspired by ... Jesus!

1. I like to think I have fairly eclectic music tastes. I have everything from Prince to GG Allin in my collection. At times I think I am the only person locally with a certain CD ... and I believe that's actually right. (Does anyone else in Humboldt have Possessed by Paul James or Diesel Rhino?)

2. I've always like the Marvel character Daredevil because he was always on the brink of insanity only to be pulled back at the last moment. I realize now that's because it's how I best operate.

3. Even when I hate my job, I do the best possible work I can do. Don't know why, but I think it has to do with my believe that reputation goes a long way.

4. I named my daughter after Asia Argento, a woman I find fascinating, strong and artistic. These were all things I wanted my daughter to be.

5. While I think I treat women with a lot of respect, I also prefer my sex to be on the dirty side. I see no reason why the two can't be combined.

6. I've never smoked pot, never did acid, and have never snorted coke. I also have never attempted to finish a Tab.

7. I believe murder is often justified ... but not when the state does it.

8. I think smart women are sexy, dumb women are annoying, and body size is nowhere near as important as attitude.

9. I will fight the Presidents of the United States if I ever meet that band, and I think I can take them.

10. I prefer amateur porn to the pro stuff.

11. I do not believe in God, but I think that people who declare themselves to be atheists tend to give organized religion more attention and respect than it deserves.

12. I'm registered Republican, but only so I can take part of their surveys and vote in their primaries ... for the worst candidate.

13. I once played a series of pranks on our local weatherman ... six years apart. And I got caught.

14. The one manuscript I spent the least amount of time on is the one that actually got published ("Pocket Aces: The Newbie's Guide to Online Texas Hold 'Em" if you care.)

15. I really, really don't like hippies who live off trust funds and the kindness of others.

16. I once called a drunk, vomiting homeless man a "human pig" and threatened to cut him with a broken bottle.

17. I rarely call the police, but when I do I like to ensure they'll do something, so　I threaten them with taking action myself. I've threatened to burn down a junkie's truck, drag a mattress into the street, cut the electric to a building, run a person over and so on. I have never gotten in trouble.

18. I have used 911 to sic some cops on some drunk guy that woke me up one morning. I told them the guy was drunk, described his car to the dispatcher, and then said the man loudly declared he would "kill any pig" that tried to stop him. I wish I would've seen that traffic stop.

19. I once gave a co-worker a heart attack and killed him.

20. I believe in the possibilities of ghosts, UFOs, and Bigfoot. I also believe in the possibilities of alternate universes. Ｉdon't believe in God, though, and that seems kind of hypocritical.

21. I do think I would be a serial killer if I didn't write. At the very least, I'd be hurting people.

22. At least once a month I think I have cancer or some other ailment that will kill me. I will not, however, go to the doctor.

23. I never wanted a child, but now that I have my daughter I can't picture life without her. She means the world to me.

24. I'm very bad at math. Very bad. I do make some great garlic chipotle mashed potatoes, however, and actually got my recipe in "Cooks Illustrated."

25. I like scaring people into thinking they are going to die or be hurt. I have pretended to car jack people, push them into traffic, and beat them to death with a log. I don't do this as much anymore because it seems slightly psychotic.

Knew A Girl Named ...

... and she is going to hate me for that title.

In my darkest hour, at the last day of the month, an act of fate made me think to call her. I've known her since she was 14. We have had quite a past. But I called. I wanted to let her know my situation and see what she thought of it. After all, I had all these people telling me that I needed to be alone, and that they were worried about me. But what about someone who knew me at some dark times? What would she think?

That phone call set something off.

I found out in a brief period of time that her life had taken some turns, and that she and I seemed to be swimming in the same shit pool. After a few years of being out of touch, it took all of 2.378 seconds to feel like it was yesterday. And that's okay.

I'm thanking her here because I know she reads this. She's grown both mentally and physically (a whole inch, making her like 3'2"). She's become harder, meaner, and blunter, but that's what happens when life has its way with you. There's still that old girl (now a woman) I knew in there, but it is tempered with experience.

Funny how that works out.

What she let me know, though, is that I'm okay in ways I haven't thought of. Lately it seems like I can count on one hand the number of people I think actually give a fuck, and then on a few fingers the number I think actually understand. These people haven't known me for 20 plus years, though. She has. And when I told her my greatest fear was that I was going to die alone like my father, she said something so simple, so basic, that it changed everything.

We vowed not to break contact now. That's important to me because I'm losing friends fast. Never thought I would care, but I think some are getting scared. I know I am ... was ... whatever.

There's another person I want to thank, too, who isn't in the same boat, but is in the same ocean, and she has known me for a few years. Her and I have talked much about what being alone means and how harmful it can be. She's helped me out, too. I don't write about her because she'll kill me, and she'll kill me for this, but I need to say it. (You know who you are.) Too many people know who she is, and while I expect a blade lodged between two ribs later this week, I want to give her some public thanks.

So, you two nameless females who have heard all my shit. You have both helped in some wonderful ways. And for the girl who had a Prince song attached to her name, you don't know how much your words meant. The people who know me now only know the Doug they've seen the past few years. You knew me at the worst of the worst. You've seen me deconstruct. You know how bad that can get. You stuck by me throughout that. The fact that you still said what you said sets the world right. Thank you. This shit pool got a little smaller. I think it's time we all leave it and let the others drown. After all, they don't even realize they are in it.