I'm used to the fact that no matter what I write in e-mails and texts, some people are going to read their own tone into it. It's happened enough with so many different people that I have grown very cautious and approach most e-mails and texts with kid gloves with the exception of a small group of people who have never taken that route. Yesterday, however, took the cake.
The woman (and it always seems to be a woman who has these issues -- I cannot explain that, but no guy has ever told me a text has made him cry) asked, "Do you hate me? You never post on my wall." At first I had no idea what the hell she was talking about and said so. She explained, "You comment on everyone's Facebook wall but mine." Wow. Insecurity. Delusional.
First I had to point out that I don't post on "everyone's" wall as that would take up far too much time in my day and I can't see any reason to do that. Then I informed her that a lack of posting on one's wall should in no way be construed as a barometer of my feelings toward her (which chilled at the point she got pouty about the lack of postings). I then asked, as I often do in these situations, how I could fix this so she wouldn't feel like I hated her because of my lack of postings on her Facebook page. I asked how many postings it would take and what the said postings should include. As is usual, I got no real answer. Instead of answering, she said, "I don't know. I just think you hate me."
At that point I pretty much exploded and, in a burst of wisdom found only in the insane, said, "I do hate you. You're so filled with self-doubt that you somehow twist a lack of Facebook postings into a personal evaluation of our friendship. What's not to hate about that? If you are going to use that to judge this friendship, thenＩcan only have contempt for you. If you base a friendship on something as petty as Facebook postings, you don't deserve anything but scorn."
Silence. And then ... laughter. Amazingly, she understood exactly what I was saying. I was fucking stunned. She apologized, told me to write about this (hi!), and then asked if we could hang out after I get caught up on the manuscript and get the Littler interview done.
"Perhaps," I said. I rarely make promises these days because of time constraints and just a general desire to stay away from people when I'm feeling like this because it leads to outbursts like the one above.
"Cool. No worries."
And that is how these things should go. But they don't. I've ironed out most issues with most people, but there are still a few dangling ones. People often mistake their view of the world for being everyone's view of the world. If I did that, I would assume most people are angry all the time and despise their fellow humans. However, I know that is not the case. I don't place my opinions on others because they are my opinions. I don't place my insecurities on others because they are my insecurities.
Before my conversation ended with Facebook Girl, as I should call her from now on, she asked a great question. "Do you think we -- as a society -- have lost the ability to communicate? I mean, we have Twitter and Facebook, texting and e-mails, but those are flawed and aren't meant to be replacements for conversation. Have we lost that?"
(And that is why I remain friends with her because even though she does far too much of that transferring of emotions, she does knock it out of the park sometimes.)
"Definitely. Twitter and Facebook is nothing more than public masturbation. E-mails and texts are just teenage foreplay. Conversation, however, is like great sex with someone who can read your mind."
And that is one reason to actually enjoy people ... despite their often juvenile ways.
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