Mirror and I talked about the nature of violence and how would one would act if they had no inner constraints, if they knew they could get away with anything. This is a crucial part to my story, but it's not the only part to it. There is a sexual element to it, and as soon as you combine sex and violence, the warning lights go up. And they should, as sexual violence in real life is a huge problem, but there are real aspects to it that merit investigation, and a fictional story is a safe way to do this despite that some people would never like these things delved into.
My story is going to be uncomfortable to read. It is meant to be. It will deal with issues of consent, limits, the id and ego, manipulation, and sociopaths.
Or it could just be about some really screwed up things happening to some very unsuspecting people.
Armin Meiwes, while not being an inspiration for the story, has been on my mind when I'm thinking of the story. The German cannibal advertised for a man willing to be killed and eaten. He found one. He received consent. It didn't matter to me whether or not it was murder. What interests me is the consent. The eroticism of violence (for those who don't remember, the two men started the feast with the penis), and the utter disconnect Meiwes must have felt with society (and perhaps a healthy dose of apathy). He had a room set aside for the preparation of the corpse, attempted to grind the bones into flour, video taped it all, and later advertised for new "victims."
How much of any of this will make it into the story is up in the air. But these are the things I'm thinking about when I write this. Especially limits and consent.
Those who engage in S&M/B&D understand the amount of trust that goes into these acts. The limits and boundaries that are tested, the power, the (to quote Nine Inch Nails) happiness in slavery.
Of course, all that changes if the trust one person thinks is there is really being used for some other purpose. What makes it dangerous is if you run into someone who can get in your head, manipulate you without you realizing it, and then decides they're going to go a little ... nuts.
I know a woman (she does not read this and even if she did, she would not mind me divulging since nobody could place her) who admitted to me that she liked being tied up and whipped. It was a liberating feeling. What became a problem, however, was when she sought this out in someone she didn't know. She ended up in a hotel room with a stranger who had her tied up and took his belt to her. She was fine, but after the incident she realized how far south that could have gone. I asked her what that felt like, and told her I wanted an honest answer. Not the answer that society suspects you to have.
She told me it was scary and exhilarating. That after she realized she made it out of there safely, she wanted to do it again, and she fantasized about it all the time, but that she knew she could end up in a real bad way. That every time she saw the marks on her breasts, she remembered every blow and remembered thinking that if this stranger wanted to kill her, she would be defenseless.
And I immediately wondered: What if he did?
Yeah, this one is not going to be an easy. What's worse? I think it will be even harder to write.
No comments:
Post a Comment