Here ... In Hell (Keyword Fun Time!)

Eureka, California.  Today.  2/29/12.  A day that finds some people wishing others a "happy Leap Day" as if it were Christmas, New Year's Eve or -- the horror of it all -- St. Patrick's Day.  When it wasn't windy and cold, it was windy, cold and raining.  A decent combination to be sure, but not decent enough to keep the demons at bay.

Rather than go on a rant about people, as I had wanted to do, but won't waste my time or yours, I will run more keyword fun!  These are searches entered into the Internet that draw sickos around the world use that cause them to end up at this here blog.  As usual, I've broken them down into topics.  As usual, my commentary will follow.  As usual, they are strange.  Very strange.

Shirley Temple:  (People love her.  Here's the proof.)  Shirley Temple naked.  Shirley Temple of Doom (a great band name if it isn't already taken).  Naked Shirley Temple (apparently the guy thought switching it up a bit would produce different results). Shirley Temple child.  Shirley Temple spanking. Why Shirley Temple?  Why the hell not?

Nazis and Swastikas: (They go together like chocolate and peanut butter or Bea Arthur and bondage fantasies.) Swastika in art.  Hansi the Girl Who Loved the Swastika (a great comic book from back before you were born).  Is there any art with swastikas in it? (No, Virginia, there is not.) Mickey Mouse Nazi flag.  Naked Nazi sluts images.  (Who wouldn't want to see that?)  Nazi Hello Kitty.  Who created the swastika? (Hello Kitty, you dolt.)

Pony Girl: (This never stops.  Seriously.)  Human pony.  Pony girl sex.  Gairl sax pony. (I think that kid was afraid of finding porn.)  Horse erection. (Not a pony girl, per se, but come on.  If the erection fits ...)  Mounted pony girl.  (Sexually, or in a taxidermy way?  Go with the former, it's a one or two time deal before you two fall out of love.  Go with the latter and it is a life time of memories, guilt-free sex and no nagging.  Get it?  Nagging?)  Pony with girls sex.  (It doesn't matter what combination the words are in ...)  Rollis pony girl.  The human pony. 

Sex: (The Internet -- Giving perverts a place to call home since 1992.)  Hot naked short hair woman collared leashed public.  (Very specific, though I prefer my leashed and collared women to have long hair.  Sicko.)  Masturbating under the bridge.  (Oh, I see.  You're high class.  You use the bathroom.)  The Devils Rejects nudity images.  (All of them were sexy.)  There were about eight others involving searches for minors and sex.  Not reprinting those.  Very disturbing.

Humboldt County: (We aren't just pot, serial killers and dead hookers.  We have a lot to offer here in Humboldt.  Here's what people are seeking.)  Pleasure Center.  (Used to work there.  Found the owner's body.  Fun times.)  Eureka CA porn.  (Trust me.  You don't want to see that.)  Eureka CA prostitution.  (Trust me.  You don't want to see that.)  See?  Sex and more sex.  You've come to the wrong place.

Tattoos: (I have a few.  These people are curious.)  Binding ruin tattoo.  Buster keel keel tattoo.  Eye white tattoos.  Holiday in Cambodia tattoo.  (So you've been to school for a year or two ...)  Larry the Cable Guy tattoo.  Sick male tattoos.  (Like, if you have cancer?)  Sick tattoos for men.  Tattoos against cancer.  (Oh ...)  What is Larry the Cable Guy's tattoo?  (It's two men ... kissing.) 

Oddities:  (Color me confused.)  Charlie Sheen toothless.  (Like he hasn't had it hard enough.)  Faceless savage.  (Poor Fred Savage.)  Gabrielle Gifford fake.  (Yes, she is very fake.  Nobody gets shot and lives to tell about it.  Right, Ronnie?)  Man human body parts.  (Again, proof there are aliens among us.  "Look up man human body parts.  We must fit in!")  My sick mind.  (Someone actually Googled "my sick mind" as if the computer could somehow detect whose sick mind was being looked into.  Did he [I know it is a "he"] hope/think/figure/wish that the computer would expose his sick thoughts?)  Thank God you're leaving.  (Someone Googled that, too!  Who is leaving?  Why would you Google that?  "I want to see if anyone else is happy you're leaving, asshole!")   

There it is.  Absolute proof that the world is full of morons with access to computers, little typing skills, and less sense.  They think Plato is a molding compound that tastes salty.  They are the reason Pizza Hut has to remind people in advertisements that the $10 pizza box is ... wait for it ... $10.  They are the people that go into a store, see the price on an item and then ask the clerk if the item is really that price.  (As an aside, I worked in a convenience store where this happened to me a lot.  One day, tired of it, I answered, "No.  That's not $1.49.  It's $5.50."  The woman said, "But it says $1.49."  "That's a lie," I replied.  She put it back and walked out.  Why ask when you obviously know the price?  For the same reason you Google "thank God you're leaving."  They don't understand how the world works.  Life is a mystery to them, and not a happy one that women write books about.  It is really just a confusing mess where religion, technology, television and holidays all run together in this stew of reality that leaves you dumbfounded every throughout the day.  They think entertainment is news, and you don't know where Lisbon is located.  They think the Jersey Shore people are famous for something.  They make it easy for people like me to take advantage of people like them if I were so inclined to waste my time.  They are easily amused by funny Internet videos and take believe motivational posters are a good replacement for a sound philosophy.  They vote against their best interests and then seem baffled when life sucks for them.  They think texting while driving is okay because they aren't being distracted by talking.  (And their texts come out like this no matter where they do it: thy thnk txtng whyl drivng is k bcause thy arnt beeing distractid bye tallking.)  They find books difficult to get through, though People magazine is literature.  They write a check in the supermarket and have to ask what store to make it out to. 

Ain't life grand? 


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